Olympic nightmare

Olympic Mascots Wenlock Policeman Figurine available from Amazon, but read the reviews first. And I still hate the bloody logo.



Most Helpful Customer Reviews
By Kyle Logan
I bought this toy last week and although it arrived quickly and it seems to be well made, I have some concerns. Every fifteen minute since I've opened it out of the packaging, it will shout phrases such as 'I AM THE EYE OF PROVIDENCE', 'PAX ROMANA' and 'THE SECRET IS WITHIN THE GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA'.
I cannot find the source of the sound on the toy (speaker, etc) and I cannot find a battery compartment either. It's beginning to worry me very much as my dog will do nothing apart from stare at it incessantly for hours on end until he collapses from exhaustion. When he wakes up, he will continue to stare again. He is unresponsive to anything and he is becoming extremely emaciated.


Tears before bedtime
By Mike Richards
Well that's gone and ruined the evening - five minutes after excitedly opening the official totalitarian toy of the 2012 Olympics and turning my back, the children are in tears and He-Man has sustained a fatal fall down the stairs.
Apparently he looked at Wenlock 'something funny'. Whilst showering.
We've tried to recover the footage from Wenlock's built in security camera, but he claims to have lost the tape.
BTW. Just heard that my Group 4 Security action figures aren't going to arrive in time for the opening ceremony!


Panopticon in my Pocket
By M. Bowman
Also known as "My Little Drony", this plastic Beelzebub all-knowingly looks into my very thoughts like the Eye of Sauron in a hat. The five Olympic rings were forged in the fires of Mordor, and I know that Wenlock wants them, to gain supreme power over the human race, on behalf of Adidas, BP, Dow Chemical, McDonalds, and all the other hoardes of Satan, I mean, sustainability partners. I know that Wenlock can hear me typing - he can scent that I've used the word Olympics in a non-corporate approved manner, diluting his unholy brand image. I fear I haven't got much time... He is at the window... I... OH GOD... PLEASE... NO!




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Brighton has dolphins too

Since last we met, I have been swimming seven times. Three times were with the Brighton Dolphins and you could be fooled into thinking we are synchronised swimmers, but not quite yet.

We are in fact the disabled dolphins and I challenge you to meet a better bunch of people. There's a swimming physiotherapist who gives us exercises to do and we have an enormous pool just for us. The whole organisation was set up and is run by the disabled, extremely well. Cameron take note.

I only think the current name is rubbish, so I'm working on another one. 'Stick out'? 'stick with it'? 'stick with me kid'?   ...All too sticky?

Maybe "Dolphins" is easier to remember, but there sure are a load of disabled animals in Sussex:
wasps, tigers, dolphins, marlin, sonic hedgehogs and not forgetting the seagulls (impossible to forget currently).

Sussex Wasps Sports Club
Sports and social club for people with disabilities. For further details contact (01273) 701235 or archerphil@ntlworld.com

Sussex Sonics
Basketball for people with disabilities. For further details contact (01273) 307505 or 07767 754630.

Brighton TigersWheelchair Basketball training sessions. For further details contact (01273) 858548 or 07727 231730 or email stevhen@altct.fsbusiness.co.uk

Dolphins Disabled Swimming ClubSwimming for people with physical disabilities or medical conditions. For further details contact (01273) 479366 or ring (01273) 307647.

Marlin Disabled Swimming Club
Swimming for people with disabilities. For further details contact (01273) 416600.

Brighton & Hove Albion Deaf FCFor further details please contact Roanna, 19a Stanford Avenue, Brighton, BN1 6GA

Seagulls Specials
Football club for people with learning Difficulties aged between 5 - 21. For further details contact (01273) 648171 or 07919 051848

sorry to go on about cycling but Paul Smith does too...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/audioslideshow/2012/jul/18/cycling-fashion-paul-smith

Tour finale

Will the olympics be as exciting as this? The missile was launched and Wiggo won too! Paul Weller would have sung the national anthem better.

And the donkeys were the most stylish:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMWxMR7Tk-0&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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Go Wiggo!

OK, I'm fed up with feeling soggy and watching exhausted runners pretend to be happy whilst carrying a giant golden firelighter through drenched Brighton and wet Lewes.

So, I'm cheering on our golden boy Bradley in the Tour de France. Beautiful scenery (oh, those Lycra botties) fantastic energy, brilliant sunshine and who wouldn't want to be 'King of the Mountains'?











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watching the hair grow

During chemotherapy all my hair fell out. To cheer myself up I filmed it growing back. This is from December 2011 to June 2012. Check out all the knittygritty scarves!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwCRo0-rnVc

The great un-tattooed

I know where the over fifties hang out, literally...

The swimming pool, it was full of men of a certain age who wanted to chat, and they say women gossip? So I had to keep swimming and now I'm home and safe, I can collapse, exhausted.


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Happy Birthday you Rolling Stones

What a drag it is getting old!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13olfeD026g

50 shades of grey in pictures

My chemo curled hair is following the trend.


What else did you think I meant?








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Brighton swimmers

http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/TopHatBTNSwimClub1860s.jpg




Its not as warm or clear as in Greece but swimming in Brighton definately helps. Download a free three day swim/gym pass for LA Fitness.
www.lafitness.co.uk
You just need some ID and a padlock... Oooh matron.
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How can it get any better?

The sun, sea and swimming have improved my mobility and increased my stamina. But I'm not going back to England unless it has stopped raining. And what's the chance of that?

Jobs for the dob

1. Poet
Start by visiting Homers birthplace on friday, then contact 'Poetry Please' editor. Then practise a lot.

2. Writer
Write about Zelda, the early years. Zelda, the middle years & Zelda, the time of your life years. Three volumes, website? book design? Kindle? film rights? Clothes line? and free pegs.

3. Artist
Life drawing, start classes at the art college? Then sell them?

4. Garden consultant
supply: plans, plant list, colour list, seasons list, contractors, garden supplies,
only for rich.

5. Garden web planner
design gardens online. Do an online course.
only for rich.
(Do garden design course first).

6. Problem solver
only for super rich.

7. Graphic designer
does anyone think they need them anymore?

8. Goatherd 
with speciality in cave interiors (including bells).

9. Garden party
Guides around the Med.
Dis-organised tours, trying to remember the names of plants and making up the Latin could be fun.



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