Has it hit the fan yet?

Well yes actually, I spent all morning writing this (and saving it) only for it to disappear. Who knows where? It would have told you about my views on the disability living (or dying, which i'm sure 'cam the scam' would prefer) allowance, constipation and diarrhoea, a gorgeous Spanish male nurse called Santiago, which for all you unspangled, means St James, where to buy a prosthesis for swimming costumes and all you need to know about travel insurance, if heaven help you, you are ill.   But you are  going to have to wait. I'm knackered. I'm just going to dream about Santiago.

titter yee not...

ok, it's Cameron Diaz

I've got an ipad! and it's all thanks to Twitter (and the old man). I've never twitted or twatted and I thought RT was Radio Times but some daft American wanted the old mans Twitter 'handle'(?) and was prepared to pay for it. So the old man very kindly got me the ipad. I'll stop calling him 'the old man' for a day now. My even dafter American chum, Syd said we should have held out for much more. But I'm happy.

Friday 13th is my new lucky day. There's a Greek holiday to look forward to, seats at Glyndebourne (sitting down) and a new ipad and the only good thing about the chemo is that I have lost one stone in weight.

I've got chemo again next friday so don't worry, it's not all great news.

proper prof

I remembered the list and the handsome prof patiently went through the ramblings of a middle aged woman. He took my first question a bit too literally and I explained 'how much longer' meant how much longer will the effects of chemo last? The prof said after the final stab it would be six to eight weeks to feel vaguely human and up to a year to get back to wherever I left off.

The breathlessness is because I'm not producing enough red blood cells, so my lungs are 20% deflated.

The radiotherapy has to be discussed with another oncologist cos the prof only knows everything about chemotherapy.

The spa was frowned upon so fortunately my guardian angel has booked a lovely hotel in Kefalonia. Finally I have something to look forward to at the end of June!

I will have to take Tamoxifen and the prof asked why I put 'squits' on the list. I explained that like most of the nation, I couldn't spell diarrhoea. I didn't stop at pebble dashing the porcelain.

start with the good news...

The New Years honours finally got it right, my super hero finally got the best gong, I think he's happier about his show at the Royal Academy, but he hasn't seen the scarf I'm making him yet. http://www.royalacademy.org.uk/exhibitions/hockney


















and Essex boy made good, Sir Tony, we love you! S'pose you want a scarf now too?
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_Pappano

Meantime, back in the chemo world, it's been rubbish. Every orifice in my body is oozing something disgusting. This is the first time I have got out of bed for a week, prefering the duvet's conversation.

My chums have been outstanding and my chidlings all wonderful.  I still didn't seem to warrant an ipad though. Well I did get huge amounts of incontinence pads instead, marvellous. But the morphine is good.

Alexa made me a useful list cos I'm going to see the professor tomorrow. You know you are ill if the professor will see you. I just have to remember the list.

what did you get for Christmas?

Christmas fairies trimmed the tree

Let's see who is through the round window. Aren't they lovely? They flew in, watched Strictly, danced a bit, drank some cava, trimmed the tree and now they have flown away (one to Jamaica and one to Cornwall).

Now I have too many horrible things going on to mention, especially during the season of goodwill to all men and titless women. My glad tidings do still involve some swear words so I'll just mumble them until the New Year, then I'll give you all the gory details...

countdown to you know what...

Christmas tipples
if you have to be tee-total or have a hangover or (weirdly) just don't fancy booze, try:
pineapple juice
ginger ale
ginger beer
but do not drink grapefruit juice, if you are on chemo. It counteracts any good the chemo is doing. Boring bit:Grapefruit can block the activity of an enzyme in the intestine that is involved in the metabolism of certain medications. Because the medications can't be broken down, blood levels may rise and become toxic. 

whoops...

Cheap Blue Peter Wreath
Shape a circle out of a coat hanger and wrap holly from granny and ivy from the roadside around the 'wreath' and use wire to keep it vaguely circular. Add some chilli peppers and any old red plant to heat it up a bit and Brussel sprouts if you can (uncooked).

'becoming poorer, losing its identity'

The best pier in the worst storm by David Gray

If you are an insomniac like me, one useful thing to do during the shipping forecast are your arm exercises.

You might whack your partner a few times, but it will stop the snoring, for a bit.

I had the 3rd chemo yesterday and I now know what 'near the knuckle' means. The canula was attached between two knuckles for 'a good vein' and it hurt, a lot. The good news: I have felt nauseous but have not been sick yet. The bad news: I will not be boogying on New Years Eve as the 4th chemo is on 30th December.

I rang the people at the Benefit Centre as my doctor has given me a sick note for the next four months. Trouble is who do I give it to? me? After a long phone call, I still have to give further information about the mortgage haha, pension hahaha etc hohoho. And of course, be available for work... might be worth doing just to be sick over the boss.

Apparently on the 'Benefit' computer, (strange name), I can only be English, Welsh or Scottish. There isn'y a tick box for 1/2 English, 1/2 Scottish. Apologies Scottish cousins.

Every which way... and lose

Took the wig out for tea at the Grand Hotel. The Grand Hotel is on Brighton seafront and it's very windy. You can guess the rest. I now look like an orang-utan, except he's got more hair.

The picture makes my husband look good.

I met a fantastic lady this week who also had a wig alert in the Ashdown Forest. Her wig blew off and her dog ran after it because he thought it was a rabbit! She was great, having survived breast cancer and ovarian cancer and was an inspiration.

MORE TIPS
To stop the mouth ulcers and swollen tongues, use chlorhexidine gluconate, antiseptic mouthwash. It turns your teeth pink but it does help with the mouth problems.

My loving 'been there' sister gave me a present last week. I thought, way hey, finally an Ipad... no but nearly though. She gave me incontinence pads... and if that wasn't enough she also gave me haemorrhoid ointment, gaviscon double action pills and cystitus granules.

and here's another reason to hate Cameron:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/dec/06/cancer-patients-welfare-work-tests
what a banker

How to get through December

Forget the pills, the self-help groups and therapists.

Just surround yourself with funny people, good friends who don't bore you rigid about the economy, Christmas presents and how 'tough everything is'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8

My Dad used to sing this, with his Glaswegian accent, whilst driving...