sorry but swearing really does seem to help...

bonkologist was not George Clooney, but he gave me a CD of our cancer chat... apparently when they dug in, the grade one (small) was infact grade three (bigger) and encrusted with rubies and diamonds. I've been reading about crapotherapy and I haven't found the good bit yet. I cannot swim, travel, holiday or anything for five months. sh£$. f*&(, b@±!@£$.

funeral parlour?

All the flowers were beautiful, much appreciated and fortunately now it is only them which are dead.

How gray was your brocolli? horrid hospital

I would rather have been with Polly on the wings of a tiger moth. Watch the clip if you need help with your exercises, which YOU MUST DO. The nurses were totally wonderful. The NHS management were rubbish. I work in a brewery and I know for a fact that they couldn't. There was no continuity throughout my extended stay. First it was one night and I ended up being there for five days. My family were great and even managed a laugh when I offered to share the morphine.

The hospital was all a bit scary. All the docs and nurses seemed to know exactly what they were doing. They just never had the time to explain it to me. Alexa had helped me dye a bit of my hair pink, on the left, so they got the correct side to chop. A patient who was a nurse could remember only one occasion when the wrong side was chopped off...

Harry sent me a great get well card.
Oh how I hate Cameron.

The text messages from my friends were hilarious and much appreciated. lots of references to George Clooney and a rather handsome anaesthetist who I fell asleep on and never saw again. James and Bill were there when I came around and they did a good impression of not looking worried.

The surgeon did a 'great job' and while he was there he hacked out thirty six lymph nodes including three which were cancerous. I ended up with a 'drain' and no left tit. The next day I awoke thinking the tit had grown back. This was the fluid which would normally have travelled through the lymph nodes but it had nowhere to go.

If you are going to have this surgery just take all the drugs offered and drink loads of prune juice.

The irradiation was a waste of my time as they decided on 'belt and braces' chemotherapy. Hopefully the research will help someone else. Now I just glow in the dark.