Thursday 26 July 2012

Olympic nightmare

Olympic Mascots Wenlock Policeman Figurine available from Amazon, but read the reviews first. And I still hate the bloody logo.



Most Helpful Customer Reviews
By Kyle Logan
I bought this toy last week and although it arrived quickly and it seems to be well made, I have some concerns. Every fifteen minute since I've opened it out of the packaging, it will shout phrases such as 'I AM THE EYE OF PROVIDENCE', 'PAX ROMANA' and 'THE SECRET IS WITHIN THE GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA'.
I cannot find the source of the sound on the toy (speaker, etc) and I cannot find a battery compartment either. It's beginning to worry me very much as my dog will do nothing apart from stare at it incessantly for hours on end until he collapses from exhaustion. When he wakes up, he will continue to stare again. He is unresponsive to anything and he is becoming extremely emaciated.


Tears before bedtime
By Mike Richards
Well that's gone and ruined the evening - five minutes after excitedly opening the official totalitarian toy of the 2012 Olympics and turning my back, the children are in tears and He-Man has sustained a fatal fall down the stairs.
Apparently he looked at Wenlock 'something funny'. Whilst showering.
We've tried to recover the footage from Wenlock's built in security camera, but he claims to have lost the tape.
BTW. Just heard that my Group 4 Security action figures aren't going to arrive in time for the opening ceremony!


Panopticon in my Pocket
By M. Bowman
Also known as "My Little Drony", this plastic Beelzebub all-knowingly looks into my very thoughts like the Eye of Sauron in a hat. The five Olympic rings were forged in the fires of Mordor, and I know that Wenlock wants them, to gain supreme power over the human race, on behalf of Adidas, BP, Dow Chemical, McDonalds, and all the other hoardes of Satan, I mean, sustainability partners. I know that Wenlock can hear me typing - he can scent that I've used the word Olympics in a non-corporate approved manner, diluting his unholy brand image. I fear I haven't got much time... He is at the window... I... OH GOD... PLEASE... NO!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

No comments: