Snakes alive

I was warned about having a sensation like ants in my pants by Nurse Ratchet, which I have not yet had but no one told me about the snakes... In the evening my underarm doubles in size and I get the weirdest feeling like my whole gut has been invaded by writhing snakes.

Trust me you are lucky, you don't have to live with this weirdo. Poor old James, thirty years together and he ends up with a whacko for company. He's a brilliant cook and I can't taste anything. He's very patient and I am totally impatient. Well, rubbish patient all round.